Good news is, I’ve been busy directing and editing THIS:
Notice the toilet paper…it’s the circle of life (yes I’m singing it to the Lion King tune).
by Franky Vivid
It’s that time again…Stripper’s Holiday, or what I like to call “Belle’s Kitchen”. Tomorrow, twelve beautiful, bawdy broads descend upon my place for a week of burlesque classes and workshops that culminates in the “Old Time Strip Show” on Saturday. My job? To keep these lovely lasses fed and watered (or wined, as the case may be). And THESE GIRLS CAN EAT! No veggies and brown rice for a burlesque dancer. You can’t starve if you wanna shimmy.
This is the fifth year we’ve done this and it just gets better and better, so I’m excited to sharpen my knives, organize my spices and get ready for the undulating onslaught of talented teasers.
My plan is to post a little daily entry during their stay, so break off the dial and leave yourself tuned in all week. I’ll at least Tweet a bunch, so there’s that. There’ll be photos, food and as many witty quips as I can muster.
Okay, it’s time to go grocery shopping with the UHaul truck.
by Franky Vivid
“He’s not gonna pork her, Rusty.”
Clark Griswold has a habit of being wrong and this case is no different. He – in this case me - did pork – in this case “prepared and served a delicious rosemary and thyme rubbed pork chop to” – her – in this case, my wife mL’. There’s little I love more than porking my international superstar of a wife. She loves it too. Asks, often begs, for it. Juvenile, I know, but you’re the one still reading, aren’t you?
Last night we decided to be grown-ups and have pork chops, mashed potatoes and green beans. We took time off from our usual life of jet-setting to sit down like adults and have dinner. Okay, it was almost 11pm as we ate in front of the TV watching Frazier, then went back to work producing the big Valentine’s Show (best line of the night, “I hope people appreciate the work I put into sparkling my ass crack!” – Michelle L’amour).
But it was a nice respite from all the craziness that’s been going on around here lately. The last couple of weeks before a show can get kind of nuts. You count yourself lucky if you have one good, square meal a day. So we decided to make this one count. A little rosemary, a little thyme and a scallion later and we had a tasty little meal that reminded us that we aren’t so far from normal after all.
Pork Chop with Rustic Mashed Potatoes and Scallion Green Beans
2 pork chops
4 small yukon gold potatoes, cut into fourths (skin on)
2 Tbsp butter
1 cup sour cream
salt & pepper
1 lb fresh green beans, ends trimmed
2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 large shallot, chopped fine
Bring two medium pots of lightly salted water to a boil over high heat. Add the potatoes to the first pot that boils, reduce heat to medium and cook until potatoes are “fork tender”. In the meantime, add the green beans to the other pot and cook about 4 minutes. They should be “crisp tender”. Drain in a colander and rinse with very cold water until they are cool. Pat dry with a paper towel.
Rub a mixture of rosemary, thyme, salt and pepper on one side of each pork chop. I use a George Foreman Grill, you may cook the chops as you wish. Loosely wrap cooked chops in tin foil and let them rest. The juice will gather in the foil to be poured over them later.
When the potatoes are tender, drain them and put them immediately back in the empty pot. Put the butter on top and let them release steam for two minutes.
Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Cook the shallot, stirring occasionally until just golden. This takes about 2 minutes. Increase the heat to high and add the green beans. Stirring occasionally, cook the beans about 4 minutes until they are heated through to your desired tenderness. Season the beans with a little salt and pepper.
Add sour cream to potatoes and butter and mash until desired texture. Since the potatoes are “skin on”, they will remain a bit lumpy. We call this rustic.
Plate it all as shown and pork your lover.
by Franky Vivid
…but waiting 24 hours for breakfast?
mL’ and I have a favorite pastime that involves talking about the next meal while we’re still enjoying the one on our plate. I can’t count the number of times we’ve been mid-entree at lunch and she’s said something along the lines of, “Whatcha want for dinner?” She says it’s a Sicilian thing. I say it’s because she’s a tease…always stringing me along to the next sumptuous delight.
It’s kind of like everything we eat is an appetizer for the main that never really comes. Sometimes it gets out of control.
Like the other night when I actually made breakfast just after I put the night’s dinner dishes in the sink. Well, made might not be completely correct, but I prepared it. Let me tell you something, I’ve never had more tasty dreams. The anticipation of having my breakfast maturing in the fridge while I slept was delicious.
So, here’s my recipe for the 24 Hour Omelet (it really only takes 8 hours, but we live in a world that doesn’t pay attention to anything but hyperbole, so…). Remember, to make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs. And to make a Sicilian Omelet, you gotta break a few legs.
24 Hour Omelet
Unsalted Butter, softened
2 slices high quality, preferably homemade sandwich bread
3/4 cup milk (I used skim, it’s okay to do that once in a while)
1/4 cup grated onion
3/4 cup shredded cheddar
hot sauce (I used Crystal)
Grease a 3 cup baking dish. Butter one side of each slice of bread, then cut them into 16 or so even pieces each. Place half the bread in the bottom of the baking dish. Sprinkle half the cheese over the bread. Repeat with remaining bread and cheese.
Whisk remaining ingredients together and pour evenly over the bread and cheese. Gently press the bread to help the bread soak up the egg mixture.
Cover with a lid or plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 8 hours (up to 24).
Dream succulent, tasty dreams.
In the morning, get up about an hour and a half before your partner and preheat the oven to 350. Uncover the dish and bake about an hour. You know it’s done when it puffs to a golden brown with crispy edges. Let it cool while you wake your partner and serve it to him/her in bed.
by Franky Vivid
When the temperature has been hovering around the zilch mark…
it feels like heaven when it gets all the way up to 40 d’gris (that’s French for “degrees”…except that they’re on Celsius, so…never mind). It makes you want to sit outside in the gazebo, down a refreshing margarita, pull your giantly brimmed hat down over your eyes and take a siesta. Then, without warning, it’s fucking zilcho again and you’re freezing your huevos off. THAT makes you want to jump in a plane and head down to the “Center of the World” (Mexico) to warm yourself by the heat of a drug war (wait, did I just get political?).
Neither of those things are practical at this moment so instead I’ve put together a little pot of Mexican Tortilla Soup. Or as I call it, Soupacabra(TM)! See how abundante I am? De nada.
Mexican Tortilla Soup-acabra!
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Small Onion, Chopped
15-16 oz Salsa (for this I used Tostitos All Natural Chunky, but I prefer to make my own)
6 cups chicken broth (Low Sodium)
Cooked* Chicken, diced or shredded
3 Tablespoons fresh lime juice
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
2 cups tortilla chips, crumbled
1 cup crumbled queso fresco
*First, rub ancho chili powder on both sides of two breasts. Do the same to some chicken and then pan fry it. Let it rest 10 minutes and dice or shred.
Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add cumin, garlic and onion and cook about five minutes. Onion should be just getting soft. Add the salsa and simmer, stirring occasionally until it thickens and browns lightly. This should take between 4 and 6 minutes. Stir in the chicken broth. Add chicken and bring to a rolling boil. Reduce heat, cover and cook for 15 to 20 minutes. Add lime juice and cilantro, cover again and cook another five minutes.
Add 1/2 cup to 1 cup of crumbled chips to bowls and pour soup on top. Garnish with cheese and additional chips. Avocado and lime wedges, if desired.
My lovely wife made alfredo bacon pizza for my induction into the “men of a certain age” club. Alfredo bacon pizza AND a trophy wife? How am i supposed to have a midlife crisis when my midlife rocks?